This morning, I wound up reading through the latest Lowy Institue poll, from which I learned that two-thirds of Australians don’t want the ‘carbon tax’ (even though other polls show they want to act on climate change and to charge polluters for polluting, but hey) and that fully 40% of Australians feel that we could come up with a better form of government than boring ol’ democracy.
Likewise, I sat through some of the Jubilee speech by Prince Charles, and the fawning over Brenda from the British and idiotic breakfast news anchors alike. An ‘aristocracy is stupid’ post is likely coming, but needless to say, I spent this morning in a state of generalised misanthropy.
In order to break out of this funk, I devised a silly game. Invent Tweet-pitches for new TV shows. I enjoyed it so much I thought I’d share it with y’all. And I’ll probably have another crack some other time…enjoy.
- Angel Cakes: an angel made flesh moves in with two hipsters and a stoner before setting up a cupcake store in a Melbourne laneway. Hijinks ensue. Channel 9
- Seal Iron: The Voice’s Seal spends a month living with a real seal colony; at Seal Rock, near Phillip Island. Hijinks ensue. Channel 9
- Oporto Prince: A young Scandinavian royal suffers amnesia and winds up working in a Sydney chicken eatery. Hijinks ensue. Channel 7
- Mission Brown: The Brown family something something Packed to the Rafters. Starring John Wood. Channel 10
- Matt’s Cravat: Matt Preston approaches kerbside diners, eats all their food, wipes his mouth with his cravat, and walks away. Channel 9
- Bless This House: A comedy about a married couple Shane and Fiona Blessing; an Anglican minister and a Buddhist Monk. Catchphrase needed. ABC
- Non-stop Todd: Dancing With the Stars’ Todd McKinney aims to set a world record for non-stop tap dancing. At the end, a lucky viewer shoots him dead. Channel 7
- Is it Lacy?: Harried producers at a public broadcaster race to meet their period drama quota for the year. With sexy results. ABC
- Free Lin Chin: Follow SBS’ Lee Lin Chin as she solves clues to the whereabouts of the key to her ankle restraints. SBS
- Death of Irony: Put a set of keys to a Williamsburg flat on a tall pillar in Melbourne and proceed to watch hipsters beat each other to death to get them. Channel 10
- Doctor Kat: A comedy about a female vet who starts dating a Korean dog catcher. Racist hijinks ensue. Channel 9
- Fido: A single-mum veterinarian learns that she’s a medium, is visited by the now-talking ghost of a pet she put down. Life lessons ensue. Channel 7
- Celebrity Chef-Match: Australians attempt to cull the near-plague number of celebrity chefs via caged cook-offs. Losers put in the stockade. Channel 10
- Baker’s Dozen: Jim Baker, single dad with 13 kids, tries to find love and run his struggling private-eye agency. Channel 9
- Rupert: ABC Miniseries dramatising the ups and downs of being born into a media empire that becomes an evil empire. Starring Asher Keddie
- Makin’ Dough: Reality show about the opening of a new doughnut franchise in western Sydney. Violent clashes ensue. Channel 9
- Random Search: Victoria police-funded show following local beat cops as they rid Melbourne of the menace of the African community. Channel 7
- Writers’ Bloc: Tales of a group of struggling writers who form a socialist commune in the middle of Mosman. Hijinks ensue. Channel 10
- Oh, Shakespeare!: Ben Shakespeare writes books that eerily predict grisly murders, yet always get the culprit wrong. ABC
- Barristar!: Follows Brett Barr, a barrister who solves crimes by posing as a barista on weekends, serving coffee to crims. ABC
- Bureau of Mediocrity: Comedy following the hijinks of the Bureau of Meteorology as they continue to get the forecast wrong. Stars Micallef. SBS
Being Lara Bingle: Follow Lara Bingle around and she slowly and deliberately destroys her career. Channel 10
Further suggestions welcome.